Mountains and molehills

If indigestion ever took human form, it would be in the shapes I encountered yesterday while trying to pay for my overdue couch, and today when it was delivered.

Did I tell the story? At the dawn of time, I placed an order for a sofa I saw in a magazine for a shop down here called Mr Price @ Home. Just to set the scene, Mr Price also has a clothes line. Everything bought from it will shrink 3 sizes in the first wash - in the rare case that it survives. And they seem to only hire the mentally challenged. So you shouldn't approach Mr Price with high expectations of service or timeliness.

Nevertheless, the sofa was really nice. So I went ahead and ordered it. It was not stocked by the shops in Cape Town, they said, so I'd need to wait for it to be trucked down from Durban. No problemo, I said. As long as it gets here.

Three weeks later, and still no sign of it, I emailed head office. Um... said the lady, I'm afraid that item has been discontinued. Right, I said, do you have anything else - anything - in white leather? Well, we have the SOHO sleeper couch in eggshell. Is it a light eggshell, I asked. Is it a nice sofa? Ummm... said she, apparently unable to give even the most perfunctory description of its physical appearance. I was sent a photo of it in brown. Either way, I was so fed up I went for it. Also, it was 2000 rand cheaper than my original choice so that, at least, was something.

They gave me a delivery time of just under two months from my original order. The time came and went. I went back to head office. Hmmm, she says. We're sorry, there was a delivery but there weren't enough for everybody. Apparently, my order - though having been mucked up seriously - did not deserve to jump the queue oh no.

Anyway, last week they said it had arrived. Praise be! So I got a delivery time of Tuesday. They phoned - on Tuesday - and said that the delivery truck was waiting for new registration plates (?) and could not make it until Thursday. And, they said, I needed to go in and settle the rest of what I owed them. I'd paid just over 3000 rand for the first couch as a deposit. So I only had to pay another grand, I thought.

As if! I arrived yesterday at the shop. They called up my order. Right, they said, that will be 6800 rand. I'm very sorry but that's impossible, I said. Not only was it more than what this sofa cost, but it was more than the original sofa had cost! And yet she said it with a straight face. I did not know whether to laugh along or call a doctor.

Anyway, she called her supervisor, who called her supervisor, who went and called the district manager, who luckily was still around at the office at just before 6 pm. After an hour of mind-numbing dithering, they worked out that they could cancel my order, make a new one for the new couch and deduct what I'd paid. THANK YOU! I sighed. But the price they quoted for the new couch was just shy of 5000. Fine, I thought, maybe the head office lady quoted me wrong. These things happen.

I pay, and off I go. This morning, to their credit, they did call me at the office and said the delivery men would be there in five minutes. I rushed off and saw them sat in outside the wrong house in my street. They had a paper, saying they were to deliver a sofa to a Miss Northlink (!) in Vredebree or something (I live in Vredehoek) so they'd already been all around Cape Town.

The sofa was a monster. Luckily I had asked for the measurements and made sure it would go through the front door by folding down the backrests. Needless to say, I had to point this out to the delivery men, and show them how to do it and which way up to turn it before they accepted that it ACTUALLY was possible. We should hire you, they said. I blamed it on the BSc in maths, but honestly - it's not rocket science.

Anyway, after a sweaty ten minutes ripping the wrapping off the sofa I realised it almost, but not quite, ruined my until now quite pretty living room. Oh well, it's something to sit on anyway. But it didn't have any legs. And, it said on the price sticker in red '3999 - never pay 4999'.

So I'm back onto head office, demanding legs and my grand back. The saga continues...