Media Mole at the World Economic Forum

Since I'm going to be busy over the next few days getting the anniversariy issue of RA ready, I brought the Media Mole with me to the World Economic Forum on Africa in Cape Town to entertain you during my absence. - L

Media mole in the hizzouse! Yo, finally the author of this blog has allowed some talent onto these pages. World Economic Forum in Cape Town, check us out. At the CTICCTICCTTICC, fo sho!

Registratioooon... Hello pretty lady! Mole, Media - yes that's me, darling, the mole with the mostest.

Wow, you get a World Economic Forum laptop bag for free and gratis. Ka-ching! Unfortunately, we journalists lose out on the WEF tie, the WEF pen, the WEF sunhat and the WEF Wunderbaum (smells of cold, hard cash) that the real participants get to finger. Not to mention the WEF MoneyMaker. I don't even know what one looks like but I sure as hell know that most of the people round me couldn't wear the suits they do without it.

The WEF laptop bag - own it

So this is the Davos of Africa. Low on the Gluhwein if so, in my humble opinion. But who listens to a mole? People watch, people watch... Wow, people are really a lot more attractive at the WEF than at the sciency jobs I usually get dragged along to. Maybe I should start hanging out with business reporters.

Opening press conference... It's the united colours of Benetton. That's right, keep the white man on the sidelines. Yam-di-dam. Have you heard the one about the Chinese, the Indian and the South African? They would never stop talking. Bla bla bla...

Molecam: Opening press conference

ZZZzzzz...

Wonder how Linda's doing. I'm bored. Look, she's scribbling away. Amazing, I don't understand a word. Are they even speaking in English? Yam-di-dam.

Hang on! Did that Chinaman just say that Africa was "backward"? Better check Linda's notes. Hey, move the pen! "Bla bla bla bla... we used to be backwards just like the African countries are today" HA HA HA! Why aren't people laughing? This is gold!

Yum-di-dum. Where's the cafeteria? Oooh, free sarnies! With smoked salmon and caviar! Wow, Africa must be a pretty rich country to be able to afford food this expensive. Bet they all eat like princes.

Holy smokes, look over there it's Coffee Annan! He's the most honest guy in the world, no flies on him. Just look how he takes a swipe at Senegal's President Wade about buying arms instead of seeds for farmers. Hmmm... He's really quite an attractive man, Coffee. Well-preserved. Wonder what he's doing tonight.

Now they're talking about hunger. Speaking of which, where are those sandwiches? They seem to have all vanished. 30 per cent of Africans are hungry. Whatever - what about me? I'm hungry too. A little bit of hunger never killed anyone.

Oops, now it's over. Coffee doesn't let on whether he thinks it's been a success. He should play high-stakes poker in Vegas instead of chairing agriculture commissions. And then give the money to Africa.

That's enough for this time. Linda needs to "file" a "story". That's what press releases are for, dumbass! Whatever. Later dudes and mofos. Media mole has left the building!